US To Ban All Foreign Ships/Crews From Midnight March 31

Whitehousespokeperson Lirf Loopa has confirmed that US president George W. Bush is to task Homeland Security to prevent the entry of all foreign-owned and operated ships into US coastal waters as from midnight, March 31, following a classified CIA report that most imports into the US are sourced from foreign countries.

Says Loopa: “More than 90 per cent of imports entering the United States come from foreign countries and constitute a clear and present danger to the security of the United States. The CIA and the NSA have confirmed that Al Quaida and Cuba have embarked upon a major conspiracy involving an attack upon the US economy by selling products to Wal-Mart. The president’s tasking of Homeland Security to halt the ingress of non-American imports upon non-American ships is justified.”

A 100 yard shoot-to-kill zone is to be established around the United States. Says Loopa: “Any ship that does not come to a complete halt within 100 yards clearly has hostile intent against the people of the United States and will be terminated with extreme prejudice as soon as we can get the Navy guys off the Global Patriot and back home where they belong.”

3 Responses to US To Ban All Foreign Ships/Crews From Midnight March 31

  1. Bob Couttie says:

    April 1? It’s really April 1? :)}

  2. Pat Morrison says:

    Great, more friendly fire!

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